It Hurts So Bad

We had a bond, a unique bond, we had feelings for eachother or at least I thought so.
Remember all the fin we had, the good times and all the money we wasted? It was worth it though.
We used to the same path, nothing could keep us apart or break us even if we had our problems and difficulties. We cried,laughed and shared our souls with eachother. We did everything together!
You cheated on me twice, I took you back even though you broke my heart.
We got back on our feet,quit drugs and things were looking brighter than ever, finally we had a normal future ahead of us.
Unfortunately I got sick due to various things , you tried to help but I pushed you away and said some things I regret, but it wasn't me speaking and you know that!
As I became myself again I realized we were no longer together and you told me it was over and my was hurting 'cause I could not understand why and I started blamimg myself, was it because I got sick? Or did you love someone else? I never really understood until you showed up happy with a new guy and that was a punch in the face for me, but I kept my mask.
A year later when you came back to me you told me it was because I loved you more than you loved me and that's an honest and fair desicion.
When you told me that I started to wonder why you came back.
Was it because you needed a place to stay? I guess so now.
We decided to be friends even though it was hard for me since I had not stopped loving you since we broke up.
We stayed friends for a while even though I wanted it to be more, and eventually you gave me hints and said things about us maybe being together in the future.
After some time we decided to try again and I was the happiest man on earth even though you played with my heart and slept with other guys under the influence, and you said it was because of your drug  abuse you did those things, I don't really see that an excuse and since we were not together I thought well fuck it. I do not own you, but it sure as hell made me lose hope and got me insecure in every way possible.
In my world you don't sleep around with other guys when trying to build a foundation for a future relationship and are living under the same roof.
Maybe I'm a naive fool for letting you off the hook so easily and maybe the best thing would have been to show you the door, but I loved you even after all the shit and disrespectfulness you put me through.
I'm not saying I'm perfect but I try hard every day to show you that I love you by doing things for you , support you and comfort you when you are down, but I felt like no matter what I did it was good enough and no matter how hard I looked in the mirror I wasn't pretty enough for you , now I'm finally somewhat happy with myself (that's a lie) I will never be again, at least it feels so 'cause when you've grown up hearing everybody talking about how ugly and far from pretty one look it's dann hard to convince yourself otherwise.
Do you think it's for fun I've turned to drugs all these years?
It's simply because when I do drugs I can see myself in the mirror and actually believe and tell myself  that I look good without those negative thoughts telling me the opposite.
Noen of this is your fault, but when you do the things you do it makes those thoughts come back and it certainly does not make me feel like a man, nor the way you act and talk to me,worthless is the right words and you blame the drugs for your acts and behaviour. Soo.. why didn't you quit? Is a fuckin' needle and a silverspoon worth more than me?
It seems so.. I've given you too many chances and you always promise, always promise to quit. You never do and honestly I've lost faith in you even though I love you I have to let you go 'cause if not I'll end up in the same Dark spot as you are in, and I honestly don't want to go back there. So after all, maybe you did me a favour by breaking my heart again, maybe it was destiny taking it's toll. After all I realise how stupid and naive I've been all the time. I don't hate you, nor despise you. I feel sorry for you and I'm sad you chosed the path you did, maybe one day , if you survive to see that day, you'll sober up and realise how much I loved you and all the sacrifices I made to help you get out, so let's hope you live to see that day so you can realise how beautiful you are on both sides ,let's hope we both live so both can look in the mirror and talk to other people without feeling worthless. I know your pain and you know mine, too bad it wasn't enough to keep us together. I guess our insecurities and lack of self confidenc that made all the missunderstanding that kept our love broken in the end, even though we still love eachother. It hurts so bad but there is nothing more for me to do or nothing I can do as long as you don't want it yourself. I will probably forgive you one day, but I will never forget. Goodbye!

Aeons Rising! Introduction - Gravarson Almighty

Do you sometimes feel stuck in life? Like there is nothing for you to do , or you simply can't find the true meaning of life? This text is written for People who want to find their inner God, obtain strenght in life and the God within nature's forces. This is powerful forces and not to be taken for granted or otherwise 'cause there is a long road ahead if you want to know the Secrets of the black arts.

I knew my path before I started, that's why I studied like a horse for a while and absorbed everything I could find on the subject, back then it wasn't internet, these days most stuff is available at hand or one click and that is good in many ways, but who has the right information really?

I never say I do, because I have what is good and helpful for me and like-minded and like minded can be anyone but you or you.
In short words, there are no one who has the right information, just find what you can relate to and what grants you the knowledge or wisdom you seek. As we all know wisdom is power, yet only wisdom spoken in the right sense of manner.

This is written to the true Satanic worshippers,those who seek to expand,extend and unleash the inner forces,regain and obtain the missing or perhaps forgotten keystones and elements in life. I am here to guide you on your new path and if your path is Satanism you'll know it by now or already do know now.
Help you find missing keystones or what you might search on your journey through the darker realms of life and the reason we named it that is simply because as a human you will grow if you have patience,tolerance and truly are sure you want to fullfill this!
I May say that if you are experiencing any thing that unusual or irregular to what is normal body behaviour for you when practising ,you should stop because your body is not ready or able to go through the process at this moment. In order to do this you should feel well rested and powerful because our minds both need and use alot of energy which I'd strongly convince you to have before you go ahead with these steps!

Those of you who are still with me :

Say the ritual words as you truly mean them and repeat until you know it all without reading. If you feel like humming or chanting the words it's fine and the more you let go of the bonds and restrictions of being a human you might have a more animalistic approach to it and the more you let go the more powerful you will feel this is the reason many choose to wear masks to hide their expressions from the others, remember it's all about individuality,mindfullness. I myself find it more comfortable to wear a robe and mask so I can fully focus on myself and not those around me,these are thing you'll figure out eventually as you get more experienced and comfortable with the setting.
I advice you to take slow steps until you know your mind and body better as you don't want to lose all your energy levels in the middle of the ritual.



Here is to the True Luciferian Light Warriors

Rise! Rise up in Satan's name and claim a (the) new world!
All hail the once and forever King!
Go! Go forth into the world and manifest hus infernal majesty's vision upon the earth!
Go forth in Satans name and in Satans name you should know Victory!

Ave Sathanas!
Ave Sathanas!

...and remember! As long as you keep setting a goal, keep believe and practice hard you will achieve and learn great secrets you did not know you obtained but it takes hard work,studying and of course practice witch one can never get enough of, and when achieved and done right you will not just know it but feel it too, you'll se things so clear and achieve big success. Keep in mind what I'd refer to as one of the golden and important rules!
It's all within yourself as you grow your strenght. If you forget this rule you will fail.